When I was pulled over in my car, the conversation went as follows: The officer asks: “License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!” You are correct: “I assure you, I did not drink anything.” Officer: “Okay, let’s take a short test! Imagine traveling down a dark roadway at night and seeing two lights in the distance. “What is this?” Me: “A car.” Officer: Of course! So, which one? “A Mercedes, Audi, or Ford?”

My response: “I have no idea!” Officer: “So, you’re drunk.” You replied: “But I didn’t drink anything.” Officer: “Okay, one more test. Imagine you’re driving in the dark on a highway at night, and there’s only one light coming at you. What is it? My answer: “A motorcycle.” Officer: Of course! So, which one? “A Honda, Kawasaki, or Harley?” My response: “I have no idea!”

Officer: “As I suspected, you’re drunk!” Then I became upset and posed a counter-question. Me: “So, counter-question — you’re traveling in the dark on a highway at night and notice a woman on the roadside. She wears a little skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes, and a bra as a top. “What is this?” Officer: “A prostitute, of course.” Me: “Yes, but which one? Your daughter, wife, or mother?” Things went south from there, and I now have a court date to appear.