This shocking truth about my father intervening in my life immediately forced me to look at my own recent parenting decisions. Two days before the concert my daughter and I had argued over a summer arts program she wanted to attend several hours away. I desperately wanted her to attend a local program instead. I gave her a long list of practical reasons regarding costs and supervision. The hidden truth was that my husband had just died. The thought of sending my only child away for six weeks sent me into a blind panic. I had already called the local program behind her back to secure a spot for her. Standing there with my former boyfriend I realized I was making the exact same mistake my father had made all those years ago. My father had looked at my life and confused his own personal fears with permission to control my future. I saw clearly that I was trying to manipulate the path of my daughter simply because I was terrified of losing her.
The very next morning I cancelled the local program reservation and went straight to the room of my daughter to confess what I had done. I explained my fears to her clearly. I promised that we would review both options together and she would get to make her own final decision. She ultimately chose the distant program and I helped her pack because I realized love does not give us the right to make choices for other people. A week after the concert I sent a message to my former boyfriend asking if he wanted to get coffee. We met up and had a wonderful afternoon. We simply talked and asked each other honest questions without any grand expectations for the future. I cannot change the fact that my father lied or find out what might have happened if he had told the truth that winter night. I simply want to honor my past and promise to always tell my loved ones the truth so they can make their own rightful choices.